How You Treat Yourself Matters

Your real influence is measured by your treatment of yourself. 
A. Bronson Alcott

I like quotes. I like reading inspirational thoughts that others have shared with the world. Sometimes one comes along that really gets me thinking. Like this one from Alcott.

Have you ever wondered why people treat you a certain way?  Do you feel you get treated as “less-than” by others?

Well, have you stopped to evaluate your treatment of yourself?  Do you treat yourself as “less-than”?  If we put ourselves down, why should it surprise us when others do the same?

Maybe we learned from our parents that we are unworthy because they told us so. Maybe that sentiment  stuck with us through our whole lives. Maybe we grew up and left home but took that feeling of non-worth with us.  And we are still asking ourselves why people can’t be nice or good to us.

I firmly believe they will be once we start being nice and good to ourselves. When we stop putting ourselves down, we will start attracting people to us who see the good and treat us well.

Toast to your own goodness tonight!

Don’t Take It Personal

Someone asked me recently what it means to “not take it personal.”  Good question… How do I explain that one?

Don Miguel Ruiz in The Four Agreements says of his Agreement, Don’t take anything personally,”Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

Ok, that’s all fine and dandy but how do we not take something another has said or done personally?  Maybe asking ourselves some questions would be helpful.

1) Did they truly mean to put me down? I mean REALLY intend on causing me to feel bad?
Usually, if we think about the other person, who they are, their personality, their circumstances, we often come away saying, “No, this wasn’t about me. It’s about them.”

2) Am I making assumptions?
Often we jump to conclusions without any definite evidence to support our conclusion.

3) Am I being insecure?
Sometimes we don’t feel good about ourselves. When we don’t feel good about who we are and what we bring to the table in any given situation, we can tend to feel that others will feel the same way about us as we feel about ourselves.

When you get that knot in the pit of your stomach when you are in an interpersonal exchange, ask yourself the above questions.  If you feel good about yourself, you don’t think you are making assumptions, you think the other person isn’t trying to be evil to you, but you still have that knot… Ask the other person some questions, “What do you mean by that? I want clarification because it sounds like you are saying ______ about me.  Or am I off base?”

If questions 2 and 3 above seem to be tripping you up in life, there’s help for that.  Sometimes a little coaching is called for, sometimes it takes some counseling or psychotherapy.  You definitely don’t have to live your life taking things personally!

On The Move

Have you ever been road tripping and found yourself daydreaming? Daydreaming about the future? Notice I didn’t say worrying.

Funny thing is that when we are commuting back and forth to work, we tend to worry. Worry about the job, the family, the friends or just worry in general.

There’s something about a roadtrip that brings out the dreamer in us. We let go of the mental cargo straps that keep our thoughts bound to the drudgery. We ask ourselves outrageous things like: what would happen if I changed jobs, wouldn’t it be cool if I said ‘no’ a little more, I think I want to take a pottery class.

Not only do we give ourselves the permission to ask those freeing questions, we begin playing with possibilities and can SEE ourselves doing those things.

When we play in the land of our daydreams more, we stress less and feel better. So, what about daydreaming more on the commute?

Just be sure to still pay attention to your driving.